What I am against, as I form my convictions from Scripture, is what I will call "fake marriage." In reality, most high school "relationships" don't look much like what I have described above. They are much less about "dating," and much more about acting like a couple. I am talking about exclusive, passionate, romantic, and physically/emotionally intimate relationships. Rather than a nice conversation in Starbucks before heading home, such relationships usually revolve around hours together, alone, that inevitably involve more and more physical involvement. That, my friends, is fake marriage! It is acting like a married couple — reaping some of the benefits of being a committed couple without having to deal with any of the responsibilities! These are the types of relationships that, especially when marriage is nowhere in sight, can leave lasting scars and lead to serious sin.
Why? The reason I believe the Bible is against the kind of "fake marriage" I describe above is that God is so in favor of real marriage! Real marriage between a man and a woman is meant to reflect the glorious realities of the gospel. A man loving his wife as her husband is meant to reflect the relationship of Christ to his people, the church. It is a sacrificial love, as Christ leads his people by laying down his life for them. Even the sexual aspect of marriage points us to the passionate and exclusive love Jesus has for the people he has redeemed. That is why fake marriage — enjoying bits and pieces of what God intends only married couples to enjoy (physically and emotionally) — is such a mistake.
Before we get into a verse from 1 Timothy that will give us a biblical principle for dating, let me ask a question. What good things can come from dating in high school? It's not a trick question. There are some good things that can come from dating:
So, there are really good things that can come from dating in high school. But, here's the kicker: Which of these good things comes only through a passionate, exclusive, and physical relationship? Answer: none of them. All the benefits that can come through high school dating can occur without the kind of "fake marriage" that we see so often in high school.
In 1 Timothy 5, Paul instructs the young pastor Timothy that, in the context of the church, young women should be treated by men as sisters and in all purity. This little verse — tucked into the end of this epistle — give a wonderful principle to us as we consider dating. As we consider relationships between men and women outside the confines of marriage, we need to remember this important point: There are only two categories for a man and a woman. It's either brother/sister, or man/wife. Guess what? Dating is not a biblical category. Engagement is not ever a biblical category. As far as the Bible is concerned, you're married, or you're brother/sister. And… you're to act in all purity in that kind of relationship. Let's break this down into two points.
Our pro-dating stance works here, doesn't it? Would you take your sister to HYACKs and to coffee? Absolutely. Would you go with your brother to dinner? Sure! Would you dance with your sister? Maybe not the way some of you are tempted to dance… but yes, you would in a fun–loving way. Would you show your brother certain signs of affection? Yes, but I don't have to tell you that there would be some pretty strict boundaries there! We can be pro-dating, as we are informed by this brother/sister principle laid out by Paul.
Dating in high school, for those who have given themselves to Jesus as Savior and Lord, is to be done with all purity. This means physically — changing our question in relationships from "How much can I do before marriage?" to "How much can I save for marriage?" It also means emotionally — saving the intense emotional connection (so often sped up by saying "I love you" without understanding the intended commitment behind those words) for a marriage relationship.
Friends, these are hard words. I know that. But, the standard for purity for those who follow Jesus is high. He died for our sins to wash us and make us a holy people for him; we are called to holiness, and he will help us by the Holy Spirit! I am challenging you to embrace a counter–cultural, Christ–honoring, approach to dating, and I am doing it because I love you. I want you to love Jesus and not be held back by sin. I want you to choose purity and honor marriage out of love for the one who died for your sins and rose from the dead to give you new life in Him. I want you to come one day to marriage with few regrets, ready to love your spouse fully and freely, reflecting the glories of the gospel even through that human relationship.
