"Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Corinthians 7:6-9)

Marriage and Singleness are Both Gifts

In our world today, there are two extremes that people tend to gravitate toward in their feelings and beliefs about singleness and marriage. Some people, particularly in the church, tend to see marriage as the best thing — the only thing — for a Christian person. Their feelings about this subject can be almost sympathetic toward those who do not marry, because they are somehow less valuable or desirable. Marriage is seen as first priority, and singleness is a fall–back for those who just can't make it to marriage. In the broader culture — the secular, "Hollywood" culture — the exact opposite view is sometimes presented. Marriage is presented as the boring option for those who are ready to "settle down" and stop having fun. It is the single, good–looking, partying crowd that is portrayed as the ones living the really good life; marriage puts an end to that kind of excitement and adventure.

In typical Biblical fashion, God's Word cuts right through both of these extreme views. According to Paul, in 1 Corinthians 7, both marriage and singleness are gifts. They are given by God in different ways to different people, and should be thus equally celebrated in the context of the Gospel. Let's think for a moment about how, first, marriage is a gift from God:

• Marriage, according to verse 9 above, is provided by God (at least in part) to contain sexual relationships and help human beings guard against sexual impurity. Sexual passion is given by God, and marriage is the place to contain it and glorify God with it in exclusive enjoyment with one's spouse.
• Marriage is a beautiful context for companionship. There is perhaps no closer human relationship, and a good marriage should be one that is between two "best friends."
• Marriage ultimately, according to God's plan, is meant to portray, reflect, and even preach the gospel. As a husband loves his wife, God means for this relationship to teach the world about the love of Christ Jesus for the church – a love that cause him to lay down His life on a cross to make payment for their sins… and give them eternal life. Marriage is about the gospel.

Let's think then about how singleness, too, can be a gift from God:

• Singleness can contribute to, and make possible, a tremendous, single–minded devotion to gospel ministry. Read further down in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, 38, and you'll see what this looked like for Paul. The Apostle Paul's singleness gave him the ability to be whole–heartedly devoted to gospel preaching, service, and even suffering, that would have at least been more difficult had he been married with a family.
• Singleness can mean a similar thing today for those who are called to do things for God and the gospel of Jesus Christ that are crazy, adventurous, or even terribly dangerous. For example, the decision to serve as a Christian missionary in a country where biblical faith is illegal is an easier one to make when one does not have to consider the safety of a spouse and children. There are also less financial obligations, and a single person tends to be much more mobile and flexible in their plans. I know I was when I was single!
• Singleness, then, is a gift from God in how it can contribute to the work of the gospel in and through a person's life. It's about the gospel.

Looking Into Your Future

Why, ultimately, are marriage and singleness both gifts from God? It's because of the gospel of Jesus Christ and how they both contribute to the glorious message of God's redemption of sinful people through the saving work of Jesus. Marriage should preach the gospel; singleness should make a way for ministering the gospel in a special way.

So, as you look forward as high school students to the next ten years of your lives, I want to challenge you to do a couple of things:

1. Ask God to show you what your gift is. I want to encourage you to begin praying now that God will either confirm in your heart the desire to be married and raise a family for his glory, or grow in your heart the desire to be single for the sake of doing something dangerous or risky in the name of Christ. Most likely, the majority of you will have the desire from God to be married; that seems to be true both as we look at God's Word and simply from experience. But, pray about these things, asking God to point you to the gift that he wants to give you.
2. When you discover your gift, pursue it intentionally for the sake of the gospel. If you feel called to marry, and have a God–given desire to marry, then decide to get married. Guys, this means pursuing relationships in college and after college for the sake of marriage — not just for having fun. Dating should be intentional, and for the purpose of marriage. Girls, this means being open to a relationship with a godly man, and intentionally putting yourselves in places where you will meet godly men who love Jesus and believe in marriage (ie. churches, not bars). Pursue marriage, and get ready to proclaim the gospel in and through your marriage to your children and the people around you.

If you feel called to be single, make that a gospel decision. Start to think, pray, and talk to godly people in your life about how your singleness could contribute to a gospel work that would otherwise be very difficult and/or dangerous. Don't become a serial dater, dating casually into your thirties and forties. Make your singleness a gospel thing, and set yourself apart for God's work in and through you in a special way.

Right Now: Single High School Students

"Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him" (1 Corinthians 7:17).

All of you students, even if you are dating someone, are single people as the Bible defines things. In other words, you are not married. In light of this, I want to challenge you with the verse above. Live as you are called. Serve God, where you are in this stage of life, as single people for his glory. On this note, here are a few final applications as you consider your singleness as a gospel thing right now:

Don't pretend to be married. If you are dating someone, don't miss out of friendships, activities, church involvement, or learning opportunities because you are spending every minute of the day with that person. Also, guard your heart, mind, and body. Save the marriage stuff for marriage; embrace your singleness and make it a time of worship with your entire life.

Don't waste time daydreaming about marriage, as if your life won't really start until you get married. Jim Elliot famously said, "Wherever you are, be all there." It's a great reminder for those of you who have a great desire to be married some day. Soak up the fullness of your single life now, and take advantage of all you can do now that will be more difficult once you're married. That connects to the final point…

Make your singleness now a gospel thing. You are at an incredibly free point in your life. You don't have a family to support, bills to pay, dinners to make, or children to entertain. You can be "selfish" in a good way! Use your singleness now for the sake of Jesus, and take advantage of your current situation to serve your Lord and Savior. Give time to church — Hyacks, STARS, small groups, outreach — that you have so much of now. Think big with how you use your summers; consider Chicago Impact, other missions trips, outreach to the city, or even starting a Bible Study with some non–Christian friends. Consider your money (that you don't have to use to support a family), and dream up ways that you can be scandalously generous with whatever money you may have

Find your identity now, first and foremost, in Christ Jesus. Don't look forward to either marriage, or adult singleness, as the time when you will really grow up in your faith. Find your identity now in who you are in Christ. If you belong to Jesus, you are a child of God, an heir of all His promises. You have been forgiven by Jesus' death and you have new life through his resurrection from the dead. You are going to live with God forever in the new heaven and new earth. Let that be the primary place you find your identity.